Fertel also said people should keep their kids out of the bedroom at all times.
"Your bedroom should not be Grand Central Station. It should be a sacred place for husband and a wife," he said. "You should feel safe, like intimacy can occur at any time and you can be spontaneous."
Setting The Mood
Once you've got the desire and the time, it can help keep the momentum and desire going before and long after.
Lipthrott said it can be as simple as creating a positive environment. Laughing together, smiling more and appreciating each other can be a real aphrodisiac.
"Don't just wait until you are in the mood to do something nice," she said.
Putting thought into the moment can also go a long way. Break out special perfume, light some candles and play some soft music.
Creating something to look forward to and long for can be a turn on. Make sure you leave yourself enough time for kissing, cuddling and maybe a sensual massage.
You can also keep it fun by switching things up now and then. Don't do the same things, the same way, every time. Talk with your partner about things you would like to try.
But, Lipthrott said, don't try to coerce or shame your partner into something they are not comfortable with.
And don't assume just because they love you they always know how to turn you on.
"Teach each other how to be a good sexual partner," she said.
Sometimes, that means just understanding the needs of your spouse. In general, women like to feel connected to their partner in non-sexual ways, Lipthrott said. Men can do little thoughtful things to let a woman know he is thinking about her -- not just on the days you want to have sex.
"If she doesn't feel emotionally connected to you, you won't get any!" she said.
Women, however, should remember that sex is usually the primary way men feel connected and bonded.
"It is not because they don't care about you and only care about sex," she said. "For most men, those two are intertwined."
Ultimately, being open, honest and communicating with each other can not only lead to a better sex life, but can help avoid any underlying rejection or resentment.
"Because being sexual is such a place of vulnerability, it can be a place of deep sensitivity," Lipthrott said.
One thing to keep in mind is that every relationship is different. If you have tried to work on the relationship and are still having problems, both experts recommend speaking to a doctor.