If you're like me, you're single.
Also, a bunch of other things, but that's probably not best to get into right now.
So here you are. Standing outside the window of a fancy restaurant watching your ex have dinner with someone...NOT YOU.
It's raining. The lighting inside of the restaurant is warm, amber, romantic. The tables are filled with couples whose torsos stretch gently over the candlelit tables in effort to be closer to each other, as they speak in hushed, soft tones.
You can hear them smile through the window.
You pull your trench coat tighter around your sweats and thin hoodie.
Is...? Oh no. Your ex pulls out a tiny jewelry box and starts to get out of his chair. His date gasps, brings her hand to her heart.
Just at that moment, rain that has been collecting on the ledge over your head, overflows, dumping a bucket's worth of cold water directly on you. You scream. Everyone in the restaurant turns to look at you. Your ex squints in disbelief, mouths your name.
IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO DO!??!?!
It's a rough day to be eating alone. Just cause you know. You KNOW that people are having super romantic dinners. You hate them. You love people generally, but today is rough.
I understand. It's okay.
Eat this stuff and feel better. I got your back, homie.
1. TV Dinners
Anything that is really on some "single serving" stylee. Or a Lean Cuisine meal, or a Hot Pocket.
I get a TV dinner probably once every five years or so. They remind me of my mom. No, she didn't serve us TV dinners all the time. My mom was and still is, a fabulous cook. She was doing a lot: running a record label, making albums, raising kids, managing my dad. Every once in a while she just got us a damn TV dinner.
Fried chicken with the tiny brownie and the corn and mashed potatoes? Feels like memories. Even though my mom really liked the Salisbury steak dinner. I secretly liked it. I still secretly like it.
Sometimes on tour, TV dinners are the only thing left to get in hotels that don't have 24 hour room service. I will tear a TV dinner up with a quickness. But hey, a TV dinner on Valentine's Day isn't a bad thing. You're just going straight for the stereotypical jugular. Yes, they will judge you at the checkout counter and you're okay with that.
Also, TV dinners have gotten a lot better. Kashi has a line of frozen entrees. There's Amy's Kitchen, Organic Bistro...blah blah. If you really care.
Plus, you don't have to wash any plates and you have room for the five bottles of Malbec you're going to drink to numb the pain.
2. Five Bottles of Malbec (or whatever other red wine get out of here with white wine in February, for drowning sadness, you SAVAGE)
Yeah. I believe this counts as "eating" if you're gonna have 5 bottles.
You don't have to break the bank, if you're on a budget. Grab you some Graffigna Centenario and go for it. Or any other selection of a great under $20 wine.
Okay, you're probably not going to get through five bottles of wine by yourself. You probably also shouldn't, because no one wants alcohol poisoning.
Hey, it's wine, it's delicious. Have some. Also, get a really nice candle. A big one that smells yummy.
Put some jazz on. Run a bubble bath. HIDE YOUR PHONE FROM YOURSELF.